Charming and Rose: True Love more

1 Charming and Rose: True Love Characters: Rose: A wolf in princess's clothing. Charming:A handsome and eligible prince. Melisande: A weary soldier in the trenches of gender politics and professional fairy godmother. (Play opens with music playing softly and sadly on the harpsichord, fading out with the call of wolves. The play takes place in the tower. There is a bed, a table and two chairs, and one window. The Dress stands by itself--a construct of wire and fabric.) (Rose sits on her bed, wrapped in her hair. She is rocking slightly, singing the theme like a lullaby. Charming is lying on the floor. She stares at him. She moves upstage. He stands, and suddenly they are struggling. Rose has entered a memory. She struggles viciously with him, biting and scratching, until he finally has her arms pinned behind her. He forces her to him, pressing her up his chest, and kisses her. She bites him, and he yells, pulling back, and then tries again. She continues to fight, but begin to respond. As she relaxes, he slowly releases one arm, which creeps up his back. He holds onto the other, as the kiss becomes extremely passionate. She pulls back, and looks at him, he freezes. She steps back, and perches back on the bed as he sinks back down. Just as he is almost prone, she bounds back, and replays the memory, entering a little later than the first time. This time she withdraws earlier in the kiss, and stays as he lays back down. Crouching over him, she prods him slightly with her foot, passes her hands over his hair, face. Shivering, she retreats into her hair. There's a clatter at the window. Rose leaps beside the window, poised to attack whoever comes through.) Kelley Jo Burke 2920 Regina Ave., Regina, SK, S4S 0G6 (306) 347-0757 2 Melisande: (various paraphernalia is sticking on the window frame as she tries to enter the tower. She is obviously making some effort to float, or light, or do something delicate and graceful, and it just isn't working out.) Shit. (She clambers in.) Rose: It's you. Melisande: You girls have become so jaded. Used to be, you flew in someone's window, you got a reaction. A "Fairy Godmother, thank heavens you've come," or "Bless my soul, how can such wonders be?" or . . . . Rose: Do you want tea, Auntie Mel? Melisande: Or even a nice warm, "Do you want tea, Auntie Mel, you dear old supernatural thing you. Hard flight?" Rose: If you want tea, you're going to have to bring it in yourself. Melisande: (Magical gesture) Behind the bed, I think. (Rose fetches out the tea tray, and sets it on the table.) Melisande: (remonstrating) Rose. Etiquette. Rose: (pause) May I pour you a cup? Melisande: You may. Rose: (Begins to pour, sniffs the cup.) Tea? Melisande: Tea is a state of mind. Gin (sips) is a state of grace. Rose: You're too late, you know. Melisande: You haven't had the baby yet, have you? I just got your letter a day or so ago (sipping) or at least a week or so ago, and unless you've figured out how to avoid nearly a year of the most absurdly undignified discomfort Nature could contrive on one of her particularly vindictive days (sipping again), you haven't had the baby yet. Rose: No . . . .I haven't had the baby yet. Melisande: Then what's wrong? You look like a snuffed candle, dear. Rose: Guess. Melisande: (looking around in a circle) You're still living in this stupid evocation of every man's dream erection? (Rose Kelley Jo Burke 2920 Regina Ave., Regina, SK, S4S 0G6 (306) 347-0757 3 Rose: Melisande: Rose: Melisande: Rose: Melisande: Rose: Melisande: Rose: Melisande: Rose: Melisande: Rose: Melisande: Rose: Melisande: Rose: Melisande: Rose: Melisande: Rose: shakes her head) Your bed needs making. Oh. (Spots Charming. Taking a large sip) Oh dear. Right. . . Charming? It is Charming, isn't it. Of course it's Charming. Who else would it be, when I haven't seen another living soul in two years but Charming? Living soul would be overstating the case. You didn't know this had happened? I'm magic, dear, not omniscient. Such a handsome boy, too. I suspect you need some of my tea. (Rose shakes her head) Three years among humans, and you still don't drink? Sweetie, by now, I'd think you wouldn't be doing much else. Bottom's up. (Drinking) Charming's dead, Auntie Mel. I can see that, dear. Take another sip. It burns. Always does if you put it on top of crying. It hurts. I can't do a thing about that honey. Why not? Resurrection's not my line either, dear. Then what good are you? I'm making a wish, Fairy Godmother . . . that is your line, isn't it? I'm wishing that Charming wasn't dead. Are you Rose? Then why'd you kill him? (sinking down, staring ahead, and beginning to rock) Jesus motherfucking Christ. I see your vocabulary has expanded. Princesses don't swear. Princesses don't burp. Princesses don't pass wind, sweat, shit, zit, or drool. Princesses don't appear to swear, burp, etc, etc. I never could get you to grasp the finer points of that principle. What's the difference? Kelley Jo Burke 2920 Regina Ave., Regina, SK, S4S 0G6 (306) 347-0757 4 Melisande: The difference is that everyone, including princesses, does all of those things. Otherwise they would swell, strain, and eventually erupt, sending a geyser of unexcreted bodily and psychic waste up to heaven, which would then rain down on the horrified faces of those unfortunate enough to be in the vicinity. However, princesses manage to conceal this obvious fact. That's what gives them their edge. They appear. They deceive. They deceive others. Not themselves. But then deception in its entirety eluded you. Rose: I'm not a real princess . . . . Melisande: You're the daughter of a king and queen. Rose: Who didn't want me. Melisande: That's not true. Your mother wanted you terribly. Dorothea's last thoughts were of you. (pause) She called out to me, as they laid you in her arms, and the blood gouted out of her, and she made her wish for you . . . let her be beautiful . . . that sweet, gorgeous, stunningly stupid creature. She'd been married to Harold for twelve years, and all she could think to ask for you were good cheekbones. It was her right . . . she was one of mine, after all. Rose: Yours don't seem to do too well. Melisande: I don't make the wishes, dear. I only grant them. Dorothea's mother could have wished her the strength to survive that ghastly birth. Or the good sense to avoid Harold. I did better by you, Rose. Your mother wished you lovely. And by god, you are. I do good work. But I wished you smart. And White Paws, she wished you strong. All those mothers. Poor child. Having one mother's hard enough. You had three. Rose: White Paws was Mother. You were . . . Melisande: Your dear old Auntie Mel, without whom you would not be who you are today. Kelley Jo Burke 2920 Regina Ave., Regina, SK, S4S 0G6 (306) 347-0757 5 Rose: (stares at her for a minute) I didn't know the other . . . Melisande: It's all right. I don't think anyone knew Dorothea. Least of all Harold. And you didn't miss a thing not knowing Harold. (smiling mysteriously) I wonder how things are going with Harold. Rose: Do you think he's still alive? Melisande: Oh, I hope so. I chose syphilis because it takes such a long time. (Mel enters a memory) There's a place, in the forest, where the exposure of infants is traditionally carried out.(sound of baby crying.) Eldest girls are such a problem. What a king needs is a prince for his first born, not a princess. A nice clear line of succession makes for a nice stable realm. Besides, Dorothea was dead. You weren't going to thrive anyway. (sound of a baby crying) Harold thanked you, as his servant unwrapped your swaddling, for the sacrifice you were about to make to ensure the security of the realm. I considered calling up wild boars to take a run at him, big ones, preferably in search of companionship, but it's really not what I'm designed for. Fairy godmothers give gifts, and watch over their charges. So I watched as he left you on the ground, twelve hours old, naked and crying, ants already beginning to crawl over you. I watched as he road back to look for a new mother for his son amidst the portraits of princesses he'd had brought out of storage before they cleaned up Dorothea's bloody bed clothes. I watched. (Bending) Then I wrapped you in my cloak,( Comforts the invisible child) and watched you fell asleep on my useless old breasts. And then I took you to White Paws. She'd just had her first litter. She sniffed you up and down, and then me, and for a moment I thought her interest might be culinary rather than maternal. She certainly looked like a big bad wolf. Then she rolled over, and offered you Kelley Jo Burke 2920 Regina Ave., Regina, SK, S4S 0G6 (306) 347-0757 6 a teat. I laid you against her belly and you began to suck, and milk gushed into your starving little mouth and down your chin. I am not often . . . happy. But I was then. Until I thought of Harold. So I went to give Harold a gift. It's so hard, picking out just the right thing, but I finally hit on it, a nice case of the clap. When his new princess arrived, fifteen years old, and perfect, and saw his ulcerated skin and tremors, she could not, under threat of imprisonment, be brought to touch him. Nor did her papa insist, when it became painfully evident that the equipment Harold needed to consummate the marriage was due to drop off at any minute. (snort) Poor Harold. (snort) May he rot in peace. (Mel chuckles into her gin. Rose looks away.) That made me feel a little better. (giggle) But not much. I have seen my princesses squandered on octogenarians, offered as door prizes at semi-annual invitational tourneys, sequestered, kidnapped, gilded, gelded and used as dragon bait. I thought I'd gotten sort of inured to the whole thing. But he threw you away like garbage. I decided that whatever he had, you were going to have. With the exception of the venereal disease, of course. You were going to inherit the kingdom. (pause) I was going to make sure of it. It wasn't easy, you know. I'd never been a hands-on godmother before. Just show up at the christening and 'I give her the gift of beauty', or grace, or pert breasts, or whatever the hell the mother had requested in the gift registry, then prang with the wand and my part was over. I didn't know anything about raising a child. And White Paws was no help at all. I mean she was a wonderful mother. Kept you clean and well-fed and savagely killed anything that tried to harm you. Exemplary. But I don't think she had the vaguest inclination regarding your future. Kelley Jo Burke 2920 Regina Ave., Regina, SK, S4S 0G6 (306) 347-0757 7 Rose: Wolves don't think that way. Melisande: What way? Rose: They don't think about future. There's hungry and not. Tired and not. Alive . . . Melisande: And not. Very philosophical. Rose: No. Wolves are not philosophical. They don't fret. They do what has to be done. Melisande: And how is that determined? Rose: Wolf morals. Melisande: Such as? Rose: Don't shit in the den. Melisande: Words to live by. Rose: Stay with the pack. Kill quickly . . . Protect the young. Melisande: I tried, Rose. Rose: What? Melisande: To protect you. Take care of you. I actually enjoyed it. (Rose turns away) You were so . . . new, and . . . perfect. To look at you made me indulge in hope, for the first time in centuries. (Memory. Rose is nine. Playing princess.) Rose: Am I pretty when I'm like this? Melisande: You are pretty in almost any posture, including upside down with your tongue stuck out, as you will remember we discovered not long ago. Rose please, ladies do not squat. Rose: How do they pee, then? Melisande: In private, and so it's anyone's guess in what position. Rose: I think they squat. Melisande: Think what you like. Just don't do it in front of other people. Rose: My hair's getting longer. Melisande: Hair will do that. Rose: If my hair was very long, would I look like a princess? Melisande: As you are a princess, Rose, we can safely assume that Kelley Jo Burke 2920 Regina Ave., Regina, SK, S4S 0G6 (306) 347-0757 8 Rose: Melisande: Rose: Melisande: Rose: Melisande: Rose: Melisande: Rose: Melisande: Rose: Melisande: Rose: Melisande: Rose: Melisande: Rose: Melisande: you already look like a princess. Do not. I beg your pardon? I don't. Princesses are tall. Not when they're nine, they're not. Princesses have long, flowing tresses. And lice, in all likelihood. Princesses are delicate as rose petals, and soft-spoken as doves. Where are you getting this stuff? The books. Damn. What am I supposed to use to teach you to read? Maps? I thought I was safer with fairy tales than the Bible. Six of one half a dozen of the either. I love fairy tales. Tell me the one about the princess on the glass mountain. And the handsome prince with the diamond ring and the golden horse. The princess had the diamond ring. And the horse was shod in gold. (cuddling against her) Once upon a time . . . Once upon a time there was a princess whose father placed her upon a mountain of glass with sides so slippery that no one could scale it. (looking down at Rose) And after suffering a dreadful case of haemorrhoids from sitting on an ice cold skewer day and night, she died of starvation. The end. Do it right. What I'm going to do is get on with your lessons. So you can stop trying to divert me from that laudable plan of action, as I well know you're trying to do. I'm not at all like a princess, except that I'm pretty. You are your father's sole heir. Your father is a king. Therefore you are not only a princess, you are the crown princess, and eventual ruler of a snug, financially stable Kelley Jo Burke 2920 Regina Ave., Regina, SK, S4S 0G6 (306) 347-0757 9 Rose: Melisande: Rose: Melisande: Rose: Melisande: Rose: Melisande: Rose: Melisande: Rose: little kingdom with excellent potential for domestic growth. You are, therefore, a princess with a great deal to learn. Have you reviewed your history? If I do my lessons, will you tell me about the Lavender Princess and the Castle of Dreams? Good heavens, I knew her. A very sweet girl really. Wasn't her fault about the smell. Some one suggested to her parents that it would be a unique marketing ploy. They virtually pickled that child in a crock of lavender oil; she smelled wonderful, but she looked like a prune. And then, when the prince that finally got her turned out to be allergic . . . . What was he like? Well enough, I suppose, except for the sneezing. It was his brother who was the real catch . . . Prince Delbert D'or, or some such thing; part of him was made of gold, but for the life of me, I can't remember which part. It sounds uncomfortable, regardless . . . . you little wretch. What? Trying to avoid an education by playing on your dear old auntie's tentative hold on her faculties. History, Rose. C'mon Auntie Mel, once upon a time . . . . After your lessons. If you dazzle me with your progress. It's so boring. No doubt. However, human beings are endlessly fascinated with tales of their own grotesquely mismanaged affairs. If you're going to fit in, you have to understand this twaddle. History. In such and such a date, one alpha male sprayed his scent all over such and such a place, then another sprayed over top. There was a lot of howling. Then the beta males all fought, 'til somebody showed somebody their belly. Then they all sniffed each others' tails, and mounted whatever bitches were still left. Then, in such Kelley Jo Burke 2920 Regina Ave., Regina, SK, S4S 0G6 (306) 347-0757 10 and such a different date, they started spraying again. Melisande: I really can't add much to that. Maybe we should move on to etiquette? Rose: We finished dessert spoons yesterday. I've got to go, Auntie Mel . . . Mother's taking me hunting (smacking her lips) . . . deer. Melisande: I don't suppose you'll be using a dessert spoon . . . Rose: (demonstrating) Oh no . . . first you break the neck, by biting right here . . . then once it's down, you rip open the stomach lining, letting the lead male and female get the first blood AND the liver . . . . Melisande: Rose, please . . . Rose: This is etiquette. Use the wrong spoon, and people just know you don't know which spoon to use; do the wrong thing at a kill and you lose an ear. Melisande: My dear, at court, better to lose the ear. Rose: Why? Melisande: To admit ignorance of aristocratic manners will cause you to lose status. Rose: Lower my tail. Melisande: So to speak. Rose: (nodding) Less food . . . weaker mate . . . Melisande: In all likelihood. Rose: Show me about the spoons again. Melisande: I'll make a queen of you yet. I'll take you back, and shove you right up Harold's nose. Rose: Yuck. (Melisande swallows some gin.) Melisande: I taught you everything I thought you needed to know: how to play a decent madrigal, row a light boat, fix an election. You'd read Pythagoras, Aquinas, Sappho, and the annotated journals of Lucretia Borgia, among other successful women. I gave you a vast if theoretical understanding of the world, and when your thirteenth Kelley Jo Burke 2920 Regina Ave., Regina, SK, S4S 0G6 (306) 347-0757 11 birthday came, when you became a woman, what did you wish for, after all that training and enlightenment? A cure for the Black Plague? Peace in the Levantine? To save the Unicorn? (Rose puts on her hair) Rose: (Rose is thirteen. In a rush.) I want my prince charming. Melisande: What? Rose: I want to find my handsome prince, and fall in love with him, and him with me, and I want us to love each other forever. Melisande: What about your kingdom? Rose: I don't want a kingdom, I want a prince. Melisande: Rose, have you thought about this? Rose: I haven't thought about anything else. Melisande: Rose, if you just need a fuck, I can bring someone in . . . Rose: It's not that. Why does everybody think it's that? Melisande: Maybe it's the way you keep rubbing your thighs together. Rose: You. Mother. All the males in the pack, sniffing my bum, trying to get me to bend over. I don't want that. I want my handsome prince to sweep me up in his arms, and carry me off, and swear his undying love, and then . . . Melisande: A good fuck. Rose: (fervently) Yah.(Melisande steps out of the memory.) Melisande: So you didn't want to inherit the kingdom. Fine. One thing I've gotten to be a true expert in is reduced expectations. Even if all you'd wanted was happily ever after. A self-catering desert island, unlimited good books and a guide to greater joy through masturbation. Happiness is easy. Rose: (stepping out of the memory zone) I wanted love. Melisande: You wanted once upon a time. Rose: I wanted Charming. Melisande: Well, you got him. (Melisande watches as Charming joins Rose, and the romantic struggle begins Kelley Jo Burke 2920 Regina Ave., Regina, SK, S4S 0G6 (306) 347-0757 12 again.) Charming: Hold still. Ow. You have no idea how close I came to shooting you. (Rose gives a snorting snarl) Damn. I mean, Charlie old son, don't mean to be critical, but seems you've just shot the woman of your dreams. Bit careless really. No, I'm afraid we don't have any replacement beautiful naked ladies, that was the only one in stock . . . I couldn't believe it when you broke cover. Wow. She walks in beauty like the night---well, runs like hell, actually---and all that's best of dark and light meet in her aspect and in her eyes, (looking her up and down) and lots of other good places . . . (gets her pinned facing him,) There be none of Beauty's daughters with a magic like thee.(She knees him) Ouph. All right. So it isn't original. You'd be surprised how many women fall for it. (Tackles her as she tries to run, turns her over to face him, under his body) Did I mention that you were beautiful? Yes. Bears mentioning again. (Bends to kiss her. She gouges his cheek, and shimmies out from under him. He gets her foot, and she goes back down. Daubing the blood.) I realize how much trouble I'm in here. I know how these things work. You go hunting and meet a beautiful nude woman running through the forest, she's probably a goddess or something. Get a goddess angry, and your chances of being turned into some embarrassing sort of animal are really quite good. ( Rose roars with rage as he lifts her up) Though you seem to go for your basic maiming. Not the eyes please. The better to see you with, my dear. I'd love to know if you understand a thing I'm saying. I really think I'm going to have to mention the beautiful thing one more time. Easy . . . (Runs his hands down her back. She seems to relax, and as he begins to respond, she throws him.) SHIT. (She breaks away) Don't leave. ( She stops, and looks back at him, staying Kelley Jo Burke 2920 Regina Ave., Regina, SK, S4S 0G6 (306) 347-0757 13 Rose: Charming: Rose: Charming: Rose: Charming: Rose: Charming: carefully out of arm's reach). Oh please. Don't leave now. I've been looking for you all my life . . . All my life . . . All those women, who weren't you . . . Diademia. Europa. Mimsy. God, they all blur together. (Leaning up, moving slowly, so not to startle Rose) Mimsy was a lovely girl. Looked like an antelope . . . big eyes, long legs . . . blushed if you dangled a participle. She impaled herself on me my first night in her Daddy's castle. You look dubious . . . it's true, happens all the time . . . Nab old Charlie if you can, that's what they all get told. He's not bad-looking, but if he had the face of wart hog you'd still jump him, and squeal like you were being brought off by an angel. Cause Charlie's so eligible it's indecent.( Rose is transfixed, and unaware that Charming has been slowly edging forward) Mirella, Angelicia, Windemara-if I'd met a plain Joan, I'd probably have married her. Is that your name? Joan? (Rose begins to answer. Charming does not notice) If Father had wanted the sort of fop who'd have taken one of those exquisite idiots to wife, he could have kept me a court after Mother died. He could have had me taught to minuet, and plot, and fuck boys just because I could get away with it. But he wanted a huntsman to succeed him. Good thing as it turns out. Or you might have (lunges and grabs Rose by the hair) got away. (The struggle played out in the prologue takes place here.) What have you done? (lovingly) Bitten you at the carotid artery. Why? So you'll bleed to death. (kisses her again) Am I dying? No. (staring into his eyes) I didn't get a clean bite. You can talk? (kissing him) Of course. Who are you? Kelley Jo Burke 2920 Regina Ave., Regina, SK, S4S 0G6 (306) 347-0757 14 Rose: Charming: Rose: Charming: Rose: (she holds up a hand to be kissed) I am the Princess Rose. Why didn't you speak, Princess Rose? We hadn't been properly introduced. My name is Charming. Of course it is. (she slides her arm through his, and they begin to stroll away. ) Charming: Wait. You are real, aren't you? Rose: Compared to what? Charming: My life up 'til now. (She leans up, and he dodges. She gently bites him on the ear lob, just enough to provoke an "ouch." ) Rose: See. Charming: I love you. Rose: Of course you do. (Rose groans and leaves the memory, putting her head between her knees.) Melisande: Nauseous? Rose: Uh. Melisande: Me too. Rose: Huh? Melisande: Yours is from being in your first trimester. Mine is from an overdose of treacle. I don't suppose you should be drinking, should you? Rose: (shaking her head) Protect the young. Charming: Rose? Rose: Oh. (swallowing hard) Coming. Charming: Rose, don't let Father frighten you. Rose: I won't. Charming: Rose, stop it. Rose: What? Charming: Rubbing. Rose: Why? Charming: Rose, we did not make love on the horse. Rose: No. Charming: Nor in the stable. Kelley Jo Burke 2920 Regina Ave., Regina, SK, S4S 0G6 (306) 347-0757 15 Rose: No. Charming: And Rose, a drowning man may want air more than I want you, but I doubt it. Rose: I can tell. Charming: Everyone in a two mile radius will be able to tell if you don't stop doing that. Rose: But why? Charming: I've been with hundreds of women, and I've had sneezes more memorable. I was looking for something . . . I didn't know what . . . actually, I'd given up looking. But then I saw your face, Rose. I saw you. And I knew you were what I was looking for. Now that I've found you, I am not going to screw you on the flagstones of the courtyard where everyone and his brother can watch. Rose: You aren't? Charming: No. I'm going to marry you. And tell everyone and his brother to get their own girl. Rose: Okay. (She presses against him) Charming: Yah . . . (setting her at arm's length) Your Highness, if you would be kind enough to follow Lady Buttrell there, she will attire you. (Rose looks surprised. More quietly) I can do the princely if I have to . . . (louder) His Royal Highness, my father and I will attend you in the anteroom at your convenience.( Rose sweeps a careful curtsey to an unseen attendant, and walks out of the light) Look at her curtsey, in nothing but her hair. Look at Lady Buttrell, looking at her curtsey in nothing but her hair. (wincing) Down, big fella . . . Oh. This is perfect. "Hello Dad. Had a bit of luck hunting. Caught a naked woman. Yes. Really. And--I'm going to marry her. Just one hitch. No one to give the lovely bride away. Hoped you stand in, Dad." I've often wondered what an apoplectic fit would look like. (Rose comes back, strapped into the Dress. Charming steps back, and provides the voice of Father.) Kelley Jo Burke 2920 Regina Ave., Regina, SK, S4S 0G6 (306) 347-0757 16 Father: Rose: Father: Rose: Father: Rose: Charming: Rose: Charming: Rose: Charming: Rose: Charming: Rose: Charming: Rose: Charming: Rose: Charming: Rose: What is your name? My name is Rose, and I am a princess. Are you? And what is your portion, princess? I have none to speak of. I mean, I was brought up by a she-wolf named White Paws, and wolves aren't keen on property. (very loud stage whisper, outraged) Do you actually intend to marry this animal, without parents, land or dowry, regardless of your duty to the realm or me? My name is Rose, and I am a princess. Of course you are. (stepping back in, loudly, for the benefit of eavesdroppers) If she can pass the test, Father, then she is a real princess, and I will marry her. If she does not (he slips an arm around her, and gives her a private wink) I will cast her out, and marry whoever you will. (they watch him leave) I haven't had very much experience with humans, but I don't think it's healthy for his face to turn that colour. We beat him Rose. Did we? Oh, yes. All you have to do is pass the test, and there isn't a damned thing he can do to stop us. What test? The Princess Test. It's been the tradition here for generations. What do I have to do? Sleep on a stack of twenty mattresses and twenty feather beds, with three peas under them all. That sounds easy enough. If the peas bruise you, you pass. Charming. I've slept on the ground my whole life. On roots. Rocks. You'll pass. Besides, what has a pea got to do with being a princess? Kelley Jo Burke 2920 Regina Ave., Regina, SK, S4S 0G6 (306) 347-0757 17 Charming: (sweeping her into his arms) It establishes your sublime delicacy. Rose: I haven't got one. Charming: You'll pass. (beginning to waltz her around)) Rose: Charming? What if I'm not a real princess? Charming: Shhhh. Of course you're a real princess. You're my princess. (he kisses her again and they dance. Melisande enters, and taps Rose on the shoulder. She slips out of the dress, and Charming continues to dance with the dress) Rose: He was right . . . I passed. I passed with flying colours. Black and blue, mostly. ( Steps up, limping a little ) In the morning, Charming led me onto the balcony (they play this out) and slipped the robe off my shoulders, oh so gently, and told me to turn around slowly, so they could see the bruises. And all the people cheered. And then (they embrace and whirl around) we were married. Melisande: And that was it? Just that once? Rose: Oh no. Every three months. (Rose watches as Charming sweeps up the dress and carries it off) He was worth it. He was worth anything. We made love on my hair, in my hair, on the night we were married. Charming loved my hair. I lay down on it and Charming scattered roses all over me. Then he lay down and put his arms around me. I closed my eyes, and went inside this den of roses and legs and hair and kisses . . . ( Charming is involved with the dress) Melisande: (to Charming) Stop that. (He falls back) Didn't it hurt? Rose: And the smell . . . sweat and come and all those crushed roses . . . . Melisande: The thorns, Rose? Rose: And Charming . . . Charming was everywhere, in me, on me, around me. All I could taste, all I could breath, Charming and roses, charming and rose . . . Charming in Rose . . . . Kelley Jo Burke 2920 Regina Ave., Regina, SK, S4S 0G6 (306) 347-0757 18 Melisande: The thorns, Rose, didn't they hurt? Rose: Of course they did. (wolf howl is heard) Melisande: Of course they did. (pause) I heard it was a lovely wedding anyway. Pity White Paws couldn't attend. Rose: She wouldn't have been comfortable . . . Melisande: You know that, do you? Rose: Charming said . . . Melisande: Do tell. Rose: Charming said it was dangerous to let anyone know about my . . . unusual upbringing. Melisande: You were loved, Rose. Most human children can only dream of being loved the way White Paws loved you. In that, your upbringing was most unusual. Shocking really. Rose: There were whispers, rumours. They said I wasn't really a woman, that I had Charming under an evil spell. Melisande: I did warn you about the three-quarters of the human population which use their brains strictly as hat stands. Why did your mother have to suffer for their limitations? Rose: Charming had garlic shoved up his-Melisande: Nose? Rose: No. Melisande: Ouch. Rose: The cook put wolfsbane in my food. The archbishop pushed me into the moat and looked disappointed when I started to drown. Melisande: You're an excellent swimmer. Rose: Not in that thing I'm not. Melisande: Right. Rose: You couldn't think of everything, Auntie Mel. There was always something more I didn't know. Something unusual.(Go and sits at an imaginary dinner table, with Charming beside her, making polite conversation to someone on his other side) I didn't do anything stupid, Auntie Mel. I didn't growl or anything. Well. I thought Kelley Jo Burke 2920 Regina Ave., Regina, SK, S4S 0G6 (306) 347-0757 19 Melisande: Rose: Melisande: Rose: Melisande: Rose: Melisande: Rose: about it. And maybe, if someone caught my eye when they were reaching for something I particularly wanted to eat (follows a reach, gives an intent look) they'd decide to drop it (watches hand withdraw, smiles, and gracefully helps herself. Charming glances over worried. Melisande looks stern, joins them at the table) I wouldn't have bitten them. I just let them think I might. I got the cutlery right. And I drank my wine like a good human (Charming pours her a glass. She lifts her glass and smiles), and I listened to them all fret. Fret about stuff that hadn't happened, and might not happen, but if it did happen, how fretful, and let's drink some more wine, so that we don't fret, we'll just get so stupid that we couldn't run if a bear was after us (she starts to weave sleepily) and all that food would just lay there, while they picked at it, and fretted. Maybe if you don't bring it down, you don't care as much about getting it inside of you. (Climbs in Charming's lap, and starts to sleep on his shoulder. Charming is transfixed by embarrassment) Rose. Rise and shine. I always sleep after a big meal. And they were all big meals. I'm sure this is going to lead somehow to an explanation of why you couldn't invite the creature that nursed and guarded you for your entire childhood to your wedding. But how is currently beyond me. The suspense is numbing. Charming says the mother of the bride having fangs would put a damper on the festivities. Does he? You were invited, and you didn't come. Attend, when my dear friend White Paws wasn't invited? I couldn't have considered it. Just like that. You forget all about me. Kelley Jo Burke 2920 Regina Ave., Regina, SK, S4S 0G6 (306) 347-0757 20 Melisande: I didn't forget, Rose. You'd made your bed, however steep. As far as I could tell, you didn't want to do anything but lie on it. You got your wish. You got your prince and your castle of dreams. You didn't need me. Rose: I did too. I called and called. You never came. Melisande: When? Rose: When? Night after night. Every time they attacked. Melisande: Forgive me, dear, but, as is increasingly common, I don't know what you're talking about. Every time who attacked? Rose: The pack. Melisande: White Paws' pack? Your family? Rose: Not any more. Melisande: Is it not White Paws' pack any more, or is it not your family anymore? Rose: Both. Neither. Melisande: Oh dear. Well, let's plunge in. I'm most comfortable in over my head. Why is it no longer your mother's pack? Rose: You should check your crystal ball more often, Auntie Mel. Mother died two years ago. Melisande: Oh no . . . damn . . . I forget, you know. Time passes, and I think, is it an hour since I sat down? Is it a day? And then I look up, and it's years, and the children I've blessed are old women, with grandchildren drooling at their feet, and husbands drooling at their sides . . . and wolves don't live as long as women. Damn. Were you with her? Rose: Not exactly. Melisande: How do you attend your mother's deathbed inexactly? Rose: She was here. Melisande: Here? Rose: They're always here. Day and night. Just one or two of my brothers, at first, outside the walls. Then packs of five or six, waiting to slip in whenever the gate opened. At it's worst there were thirty, or forty, wolves I don't even Kelley Jo Burke 2920 Regina Ave., Regina, SK, S4S 0G6 (306) 347-0757 21 Melisande: Rose: Melisande: Rose: Melisande: Rose: Charming: know, from packs all over the country, raiding the castle almost every night. They made it to our bedchamber once, before the servants drove them out. And when they're not trying to get in, they're sitting, just out of bow reach, all around the castle, waiting for us. Waiting for me. And howling. How did your mother die? I was a lousy wolf. No fur, no fangs, a nose that's next to useless; I couldn't scent out a moose turd if it was dumped on my head. Did they think I could stay with them forever? There comes a point in a woman's life when eating raw voles and pissing on trees just isn't enough. I found my prince. I know I was very ungrateful to go off without saying good-bye, but there was Charming, and all that kissing . . . and the next thing I knew I was taking the Test and then there was the wedding, and yes, White Paws should have come, but Charming . . . doesn't understand about the pack . . . I know I owe them everything, and I know they're angry, but I don't understand why they're doing this to me. How did White Paws die? (echoing Charming, who rises and stands behind Rose, hands on her shoulders. Her voice should come just after his. ) It was an accident. Shit. I'm sure she just wanted to get near him . . . sniff him over . . . I know Mother wouldn't . . . hunt us.(with Charming) One wolf looks much like another, to a human. There'd been so many attacks. (Alone) Charming had been set upon constantly . . . how was he to know she wasn't going to kill him . . . Can you ever forgive me? (Rose is bent over, grieving) Rose? I'd cut off my hand if I could undo it. Please. Just say something. (silence) Kelley Jo Burke 2920 Regina Ave., Regina, SK, S4S 0G6 (306) 347-0757 22 Rose: Charming: Rose: Charming: Rose: (looking up slowly) Was it a good kill? What? Quick. Clean. Yes. Good. (she curls against him, becoming as small as possible.) Good. Charming: Is that all you have to say? Rose: (not looking up) What else is there to say? Melisande: Absolutely nothing. Just kill him. Rose: It wasn't his fault. Melisande: This is why you killed him....? Rose: Accidents happen. Things die. Every wolf knows that. Mother knew that. Melisande: She was my friend, Rose. I don't have many friends. Immortality seems to intimidate a lot of people. Not White Paws. She thought I smelled all right. We giftgivers don't get gifts very often, but your mother gave me her trust and regard, and I was honoured to receive it. Forgive me if I'm not as understanding as you about your prince hacking her to pieces. Rose: (from Charming's arms) When he brought me her body, I felt like the marrow had been sucked from my bones. I couldn't think. I couldn't speak. I just lay on her, and howled for hours. And when I couldn't howl any more, I stopped. It was done. People carry on. . . they're surprised when death doesn't make an exception for them . . . wolves don't carry on. Wolves . . . Melisande: Do what they have to do. I remember. (Charming sweeps her up in his arms, and carries her to the bed. Her eyes are closed and she's giggling) Rose: Why can't I look? Charming: It's a surprise Rose. A ancient human custom. Rose: We were lifted in the air . . . I felt that. Charming: You peeked. Peekers are drawn and quartered you know. Kelley Jo Burke 2920 Regina Ave., Regina, SK, S4S 0G6 (306) 347-0757 23 Rose: Charming: Rose: Charming: Rose: Charming: Rose: Charming: Rose: Charming: Rose: Charming: Rose: Charming: Rose: Charming: Rose: Charming: Rose: Another ancient human custom. I can always tell when you're lying. (sniffing his chest) You sweat when you're lying. The sweat is from hauling you up here. (tossing her down) I was not lying, Rose, I was making a joke. The whole humour thing is taking a while, isn't it. I always laugh after you explain. Commedias interruptus. It's just not the same. Where are we? In the tower. This was my mother's room before her marriage to Father. Where's the door? There is no door. We're forty feet above the highest room in the castle, and the only way out is through the window. This is one of those things that isn't going to make any sense, even when you do explain it, isn't it? Probably. My mother stayed here until her wedding, with no access to the outside world, to guarantee her purity of mind and body. (sagely) Your father wanted to make sure the first litter was his. My father doesn't leave things like that to chance, Rose. Mother was already carrying the first litter when she came up here, and you're looking at it. So first she proved she was fertile, then she proved that she hadn't been fertilized, only she had. Uh huh. (stares blankly for a moment) Let's make love. You always want to make love when you don't have a clue what I'm going on about. Is that a problem? A problem? Rose, my Rose without thorns, it is the thing I like best about you.. I thought my total animal passion in bed was the thing Kelley Jo Burke 2920 Regina Ave., Regina, SK, S4S 0G6 (306) 347-0757 24 Charming: Rose: Charming: Rose: Charming: Rose: Charming: Rose: Charming: Rose: Charming: Rose: Charming: Rose: Charming: you liked best about me. Oh, that too. God, yes. None of that "Couldn't we just talk" shit. No "I'm just not relaxed enough . . . " You just go at it, thwack. (Rose laps her chops and smiles) All teeth, and tongue, and noises.(Rose demonstrates) Sometimes I just lay there, wondering, is this the time she gobbles me up instead? (Rose chuckles, nibbles on his ear) And then you do gobble me up, so to speak, and I think, dear god, what a fool I am to be wasting my time thinking when my cock has just been struck by lightening. My brain is usually then swept by a wall of fire, there's smoke pouring out of every hole in my body, and then I generally convulse wildly and pass out.. Is that unusual? Rose, the Drinjaka bird of the Ebony Coast, who will nest only in the dung of pregnant elephants, and has the ability to survive being crushed under the feet of said pregnant elephants, by virtue of a skeleton made up entirely of cartilage, is unusual. You're a fucking freak of nature. That's good? Rose . . . that's perfect. Wait a minute. Don't think I can. Why are we in the room with no door? So no one can bother us. Good.(They carry on) Stop. Rose. What? Come here. (pulls her up, and wraps his arm around her) This is where you're going to stay. What? They came too close, last night. Since . . . the accident, we can't cross the courtyard safely, let alone go beyond Kelley Jo Burke 2920 Regina Ave., Regina, SK, S4S 0G6 (306) 347-0757 25 Rose: Charming: Rose: Charming: Melisande: Rose: Charming: the castle gates. I set guards. I stand guard myself, every night. They keep getting through. You want me to stay in this little room? You've heard the gossip, Rose. They say the wolves are other men you've enchanted. They always watching me. "Have you noticed all that body hair? Don't remember Charlie being quite so hirsute. And those fangs--wouldn't want to leave him alone with any small pets. Poor Charlie, he'll be scratching fleas and fetching balls for her before the winter's out." It just a matter of time until someone bashes your head in with a silver mace, or some such thing, to save me from your canine clutches. I can't keep you safe in the castle, and I can't keep you safe out. I don't know what else to do. It's just until I can sort out this whole problem with the wolves. I can't go out . . . at all? I love you so much Rose. Somebody should really warn people about this love stuff. I never realized what it would be like. The thought of losing you is . . . well, you know, you go into a fight, and you think, well I might die, but then again I might not, so I might as well get on with it. But losing you. I couldn't bear it. I've got to know you're safe. Safe and sound in the clouds. I've got to know you'll still be here when I come back. (Stroking her face) Just for a while. For me. (embracing) (interrupting) For him? You allowed yourself to be caged up so that Charming could have peace of mind? Think Rose. Did you see a single silver mace? Were you actually hurt by any of the ravening wolves? Was anyone ever hurt except our hero here? Rose. Try to think with something above your belt for a second. Pant twice if you can hear me. (walks away in disgust) You know what's the best thing about orgasms? Surviving them? Kelley Jo Burke 2920 Regina Ave., Regina, SK, S4S 0G6 (306) 347-0757 26 Rose: Charming: Rose: Charming: Rose: Charming: Rose: Charming: Rose: Charming: Rose: Charming: Rose: Charming: Rose: Charming: Rose: Charming: Rose: It's almost impossible to fret before, during or immediately after them. Hmmm? See...there's the sharp part, right at first, and you can still sort of think, but all your thoughts are mostly oh boy here's the sharp part, and by the time it's spread down to your knees and toes and up through your teeth, you can almost manage an oh, I hope my leg doesn't cramp this time, but then it fills your brain . . . and there's no fretting, no thoughts at all . . . Not even of me? Oh no. Nothing. That's the best part. Is that why we do this three or four times a day? That, and for the exercise. I didn't think you minded. Oh, well, it's hell of course. But for you, anything. But what are you fretting about? Nothing, when you're here. I'm just not used to being alone, you know, and I wonder, what happens if something goes wrong . . . Like? Like . . . my lungs stop working, or my heart just forgets to beat, while I'm sleeping, and I'm all alone and there's no one to notice that I'm dying . . . . That won't happen if it did, I'd come and kiss my princes---and I'd wake up and be alive again. (kisses her. They spend some in gentle, post-coital tussling around. Pulling away.) I have to go. Do the princely. (Rose nods) Will you miss me? Yes. Do you love me? Yes. And I love you. Of course you do. (The memory begins to slip away. Kelley Jo Burke 2920 Regina Ave., Regina, SK, S4S 0G6 (306) 347-0757 27 Charming is somehow absent, either prone, or withdrawn, or out of the light) We fell into a nice little routine, in our nice little room, just me and Charming in here, and the wolves out there, and every three months or so, just to prove to everyone outside of the tower that I continued to be a real princess . . . I took the test (she leans against the bed, wincing, almost falls, Charming catches her in a sweep of his arms, and kisses her on her arms and back, she flinches with each kiss; each is a bruise. He carries her to the window. She is crying as she goes through the display ritual. He rocks her, humming as she presses against his shoulder. She dries her face against him, and nestles there. Defiantly ) All in all, it was a very happy marriage. (Charming carries her back to the bed, and strokes her hair, she seems to fall asleep) Charming: (Touching her bruises) Look. There's one on her face. Poor Rosie. Does it hurt? Of course it hurts, stupid. It's a bruise. Sorry Rose. If only I'd never seen your face. If only you'd run a little faster. If I'd never seen your face, I'd never have known that I couldn't live without seeing your face, and so, I could have. You follow me so far, sweetie? Of course, you don't. I saw this gorgeous face yesterday. Came with big breasts, narrow waist, the kind of ass that offers a broad but firm handhold. Gave me this silk sheets/ostrich feathers/lots of honey look. Type C, the full bodied exotic fuck, always a favourite of mine. Nothing. Not a twitch. A hump-backed eighty-five year old nun could not have stirred me less. And I thought monogamy was going to be difficult. Because I thought it had something to do with free will. But that was before Rose's face got me. I don't know why I'm complaining. At the rate we go at it, who needs variety? It's just that . . . I'm not sure about this being got. Once in a while I'd like to get her. I'd like to Kelley Jo Burke 2920 Regina Ave., Regina, SK, S4S 0G6 (306) 347-0757 28 get far enough inside of her to reach whatever it is that's got me and get it back. Get some rest. But just when I think I'm gonna make it, when I think all I have to do is hold out one more minute and I'll have her for a change, it dawns on me that I'm not going to make it; I'm not going to be able to hold out a whole minute, because a minute is the longest stretch of time conceivable. Because I would sooner be rubbed with pork fat and thrown naked to starving jackals than hold out one more second. And then I give it all away, my self-control, my self-respect, my self entirely. She takes it all. She takes me. And all I can think about doing is trying to get her, again. And I don't even know what I'm trying to get. See, Rose may be part wolf, but she's all woman. And women are . . . different. A completely different form of life. I don't think God created women. I think they were sitting around, well before the first light, talking, yack-a-yackayack, figuring it all out. How they were going to handle men. How they were going to get us. And then when God let there be light, he looked down, and there was his planet, thick with these beautiful, mysterious creatures, looking smug. What was he supposed to do? The first man was already staggering out of the mud. He'd already seen them. His prick was about to lead him where God would fear to tread. He'd been got. I suspect God invented free will at that moment, so he could wash his hands of the whole, doomed mess. And the women? They looked at that poor, unsuspecting bastard, with his hard-on aimed like a diving rod for disaster, and looked at each other, and laughed themselves silly.. It's all in the genitals. The penis is an upright, forthright, straightforward organ. You know where you stand with a penis. But the clitoris? How long do you suppose it took Kelley Jo Burke 2920 Regina Ave., Regina, SK, S4S 0G6 (306) 347-0757 29 them to come up with that one? "So you have this big dangling thing that sits up and begs like a schnauzer, do you? Well we have this tiny little bump, that's never in the same place twice, and we want you to go hunting through the underbrush for it whilst dazed with lust, and if you don't find it, you can tell your schnauzer to lie down, cause walkies is over." Jesus. (Mel has been listening, and now moves to the edge of the bed.) Melisande: You're not asleep Rose. And ladies do not eavesdrop. Rose: Ladies do if they want to have the vaguest idea what gentlemen really think. Quiet. This is the best part. Charming: Of course, the migratory clitoris isn't a problem with Rose. Hers doesn't wander. It spreads. Gets to the point where she comes when I rub her thumbs. . . If I ever took her to a party, I be cuckolded fifteen times before she got to the punch bowl, based on handshakes alone. Never mind dancing. Tread on her toes while dancing and she'd howl with unspeakable delight . . . . Wonder how Father likes listening to that every night. Bet he lies there, holding his breath and his stubby old dick, waiting for the howl. I hope so. I hope he lays there, pronging his pillow, calling it Rose and hating me. Whenever I feel I can't rise to Rose's occasion, I think of that. Works like a charm. He can't stand that I've finally got something that he didn't give me. Something he can't take away. You're mine. You may not be house-broken. You may not get my jokes. But you've got me, Rosie. And so, the only way to get myself back, is to have you. And I do, don't I sweetie? I do have you. Rose: He loves me. He really does. (pause) He had to do it. Melisande: He had to do what, Rose? What? Rose: (whisper) Help me pass the Test. (she puts on the dress, Kelley Jo Burke 2920 Regina Ave., Regina, SK, S4S 0G6 (306) 347-0757 30 and goes to stand beside him. He slips his arm around her shoulder.) Melisande: (between them) You knew? Rose: Not at first. But . . . I don't like wine. I was supposed to drink wine from this very fancy cup, before I took the Test, even after we moved. But I just hate going to sleep without knowing that I can wake up, if I have to, so, so, one night I just didn't drink it, and . . . Melisande: And that's when you found out the wine was drugged. Because you woke up. Because you could wake up, for the first time, and you did have to. (Rose lies on the bed. Lights dim. Charming crosses, and stands, a little unsteadily. He has a riding crop.) Rose: I could smell wine on him. A lot. Charming has to drink a lot before it affects him. And he was quite affected. Charming: Ssssh. Charlie's got to do it, Rosie. Got to do the princely. Dear old Dad says. Dear old Dad must be obeyed. ( Hits her. She opens her eyes.) Melisande: Rose, come out of there immediately. (She lies still, looking up at him. He hits her again.) Rose. (Rose leaves the dress behind) Melisande: So you opened your eyes, and saw him. (Charming hits the dress). Well. Isn't this where you kill him? (Rose just stares, flinching with each hit). Charming: What's a few bruises, says Dad. She could have got them tripping over her skirts. And everyone goes baaa (hit), baaa (hit), baaa (hit), poor old Charlie's been had. (hit) She's got Charlie by the short and curlies. Wolf whipped. Makes him sit up and beg. Dad just sits on his bony old ass, (hit) waiting for me to give it up, and be a good little prince. Thinks he's got me. Bastard. I know how Mother passed the Test. Melisande: You opened your eyes Rose, and then what did you do? Rose: I closed them. Kelley Jo Burke 2920 Regina Ave., Regina, SK, S4S 0G6 (306) 347-0757 31 Charming: There. (hit) There. (hit) You won't go away now. He can't make you go away. Not this time. (Lies down beside the dress, and draws it to him, and passes out. Rose bends over him.) Melisande: You closed them? Rose: He was doing it for me. I'm no princess. I could no more feel those peas than I could fly. He knew. He saved me. My prince rode up the glass mountain, and saved me. Because he loved me. Melisande: You know, I've seen love. I've also seen meat tenderized. That really look more like the latter. Rose: You don't understand. Melisande: Oh, that's where your wrong, chick. You think you're the first of my girls to be loved so intensely? (shouting) He was beating the shit out of you with a riding crop. I don't know, Rose. It may seem odd to you, but some people would find that annoying . . . . Rose: It was my fault. I wished for him. And I didn't deserve him. Somewhere there's a real princess, one who's beautiful, and delicate and pure and all those things Charming thinks I am; someone who could pass the Test. And she's dying a little bit every day, because Charming doesn't come. Because I've got him. I think about her, all alone and sad, and aching for him, and I don't care what I have to do to keep him. I'm a lousy princess, and I'm a lousy wolf, but Charming loves me. That's who I am, I'm Charming's Rose. That's all I am. Melisande: (pause) Well dear, I thought I understood this . . . but obviously I'm completely off the mark. Rose, what happened to Charming? Rose: I got pregnant. Melisande: I know. But Rose, nausea, water retention, sure . . . but this (gesturing to Charming)? Rose: Charming . . . (she goes and sits in the window. Kelley Jo Burke 2920 Regina Ave., Regina, SK, S4S 0G6 (306) 347-0757 32 Charming joins her, and they sit quietly. He rubs her back. Pause. They listen to the howling.) Charming: Do you know, I can't sleep the nights they don't come. Rose: Just a few tonight. Charming : What are they saying? Rose: Wolves don't say. They sing. Charming: What are they singing? Rose: Lots of things. Come here. Threat. Wait. Charming: Wait for who? Rose: Not for who. For what. Charming: All right, my interlocutor, wait for what? Rose: Killing. Wait for killing. Charming: A soothing lullaby....shouldn't you be asleep? Rose: (speaking on "shouldn't you") About the Test. Charming: What about it? Rose: Well, it's been getting . . . harder . . . there were the broken ribs last time. Charming: It was the talk of the court. They want that particular set of peas for the state museum. Melisande: (stage whisper) You didn't tell him that you knew? Rose: (without turning) Oh no. He couldn't bear that.(to Charming) I can't take the Test while I'm pregnant. Charming: Pregnant? Rose: Well Charming, we have sex all the time. People get pregnant from that you know. Charming: I had wondered about that. Thank you for clearing it up. Rose: You're welcome. I know which time it was. I'll bet you don't even remember. It was right after you came back from that long hunting trip, remember. I missed you so much, and you were so tired, and we just feel asleep. Just the smell of you was enough. Then I woke up a little later, and it was so dark. Remember? There was no moon. I couldn't see your face, I couldn't see my hands, but I could feel yours. All over me. I thought I was Kelley Jo Burke 2920 Regina Ave., Regina, SK, S4S 0G6 (306) 347-0757 33 Charming: Rose: Charming: Rose: Charming: Rose: Charming: Rose: Charming: Rose: Charming: Rose: Charming: Rose: Charming: dreaming. I'd been having dreams like that, every night you were away. But I wasn't. When you pulled away, I knew you weren't all gone. There was something in there. Something new. I could feel it, glowing. Filling up all my empty spaces. That's why you think you're pregnant? I know how to tell. Want to feel my cervix? No. I know. I'm carrying your baby. So I can't take the test. I'm afraid you have to, Rose. I could lose the baby. Yes. Lose the baby. Our baby. (Rubbing her back again) Having a baby is dangerous, Rose. There's no need for you to go through it. Don't feel you have to carry on the family line. It's undoubtedly the only thing you could do that would please Father, and we wouldn't want that. (pause) Rose? Is it so unbearable being just you and me? Alone? In our bed in the sky. You're everything to me. Aren't I everything to you? I can't take the test. They say that sometimes princesses change during a confinement. (Looks at her) A confinement, Rose. A pregnancy. I know... That they can lose whatever it is that makes them real. (pause) I'll go ... somewhere. Until the baby-Where? Do you know a place where the wolves can't find you? The only place I know is here, behind the walls, with men and spears and torches. And Father. . . Think, Rose. There's nowhere to go but here. And Father will throw you out of here, to the wolves if you refuse the Test. You'll lose the baby anyway. And I'll lose you. I'd die if I lost you. Is that what you want? Kelley Jo Burke 2920 Regina Ave., Regina, SK, S4S 0G6 (306) 347-0757 34 Rose: Charming. Please. Charming: I wish this didn't have to be. I wish the world was perfect. It's close, Rose. It's so close, when I'm with you. Rose: There must be another way. Charming: I'd tell you if there were. Rose: There's no other way. Charming: Do you have to ask? Rose: Yes. You know me. I have to have things explained. Charming: There's no other way. Rose: (pause) I have to do it, then. Charming: That's my brave princess. Rose: Brave. Yes. I can be that.(pause) Let's make love. Slowly. Charming: Yes, your majesty. Rose: Slowly. Charming: Rose. Rose: Slower . . . slower. . . (draping her hair around them, as if, for the first time self-conscious) You've got me Charming. You've got all of me. . . .This is all of me . . . ( After a passionate embrace, Rose slides down his body, and at the moment when it cannot happen, breaks his neck. When he dies, Rose throws her head back and howls/screams over the body. Silence. As Melisande approaches, Rose grips Charming to her and snarls, Mel jumps back. Silence.) Melisande: Kill quickly. (Rose looks up) Protect the young. (Rose seems to see Mel again, nods a little.) The very young. (Rose starts to shake.) Sweetheart? Rosebud? (Puts her arms around Rose) It's going to be all right.(stroking her hair) . . . Wolves are not philosophical, are they Rose? They do what has to be done . . . . You couldn't let him kill the baby, could you? And you couldn't leave. So you did what had to be done. For what it's worth, White Paws would have been very proud of you. (Rose stares) It was Kelley Jo Burke 2920 Regina Ave., Regina, SK, S4S 0G6 (306) 347-0757 35 a magnificent kill. Clean, fast and . . . (looking at Charming) necessary. She couldn't have done better herself. And she did try. Rose: (trying to pull away) Charming? Melisande: Let him rest a little. (looking at Charming) Poor boy. So handsome. So . . . damaged. Rose: It's not supposed to end like this. Melisande: No. No Rose, it's supposed to end like this. (Charming stands brings the dress to the bed, and stand over it) And in the end, there was a princess, white as snow, lying on her sheets, red as blood, and her prince, in mourning black as ebony, stood beside her. Charming: (Kisses where Rose's face would be were she wearing the Dress, and waits. Nothing happens.) You said you'd wake up. . . (Stands up, wiping his eyes) I have to go . . . do the princely. Rose: (Nods. To Mel) Why couldn't I die for him> Melisande: Rose. I made many mistakes. Dorothea gave you her beauty. White Paws gave you her strength. And if I'd been content with being your auntie, I would have given you joy, which is always a nice gift, and ugly sweaters on your birthday. But I wanted to be your mother too. I wanted to give you what I had. What I had was rage. So I wrapped my rage in nice manners and pretty clothes and dancing feet, and tried to give it to you. And all the while I was thinking how clever I was, because I was going to send my rage out into the world, disguised as a princess. And before anyone could figure out that under all that satin and hair was my rage, under it all was a wolf, in princess's clothing, you would have taken back everything that had been stolen from you, from me, from all my girls. And eased my rage. I wasn't thinking of you. I was thinking of me. That was a mistake. I just assumed you'd know which was the gift and which was Kelley Jo Burke 2920 Regina Ave., Regina, SK, S4S 0G6 (306) 347-0757 36 Rose: Melisande: Charming: Rose: Charming: Rose: Charming: Rose: Charming: Melisande: the wrapping. Mistake number two. When you threw away my rage, and kept all that princess crap, I made the worst mistake. I gave up on you. But there is one mistake I did not make. I did not teach you to die for love. He said he'd die for me. He's a man of his word. (To the Dress) Will you miss me? Yes.(He can't hear her.) Do you love me? Yes. (intensely) Well, do you? Yes. I love you. Things don't actually end, Rose. That's the fairy tale. Once upon a time, things happened, and once they'd happened, they were gone, and the future stretched ahead without a whiff of the shit that had hit the past lingering. It's a male view of time. Comes of not scrubbing enough toilets. So Rose, in the absence of an ending, I'll give you a beginning. Once upon a time, there was Rose in a warm room with a dead man, and a beautiful baby boy in her belly. There were wolves, but not ravening ones; just tired, and hoarse, and very anxious to have her back. There was space, and sky, and falling to sleep without dreading what she'd wake to. And there was her foolish old aunt, who looked at her, and continued to indulge in hope. Tell me what comes next, Rose. Tell me what you wish. Theme plays. Lights down. End Kelley Jo Burke 2920 Regina Ave., Regina, SK, S4S 0G6 (306) 347-0757